Well that was short, and not particularly sweet.

It only took me about 5 or 6 hours to play through Medal of Honor (<- insert u). It was actually quite lucky that the game was so short, it was pretty irritating at times, and a longer experience would have gone from mildly infuriating to full on annoying.

Come to think of it, the game would have been shorter had I not happened across two game breaking bugs that forced me to restart two missions from the beginning. On one occasion my AI teammates were supposed to open a door so that we could proceed on our merry way, but they just sat in cover and there was no way to advance through the mission. Reset, plus a little swearing. Another time the beardy dude I was on a sniping mission with ploughed headlong through a door without even opening it, Patrick Swayze in Ghost style, and I was left on the other side with no way to progress through to the next area. Reset, plus a whole heap of swearing.

The game was full of bugs like this coupled with bad design choices. Graphical glitches were commonplace, most character’s feet and ankles were submerged a foot beneath whatever it was that they were supposed to be standing on. They’d then pop up to their proper place, before slowly sinking back down to mid-shin. I wasn’t allowed to open doors by myself, I could only do so only when told to. If we needed to hop a small waist high wall I had to wait for each of my squad to do so before I was offered the vault button prompt, lest I go before them and upset the pecking order. At other times I was required to do a ‘buddy boost’ up walls about seven feet high. I was such a rubbish soldier that I had to be pulled up these walls, and then watch on with shame in my heart and tears behind my night vision goggles as my supple and athletic teammates leapt up these same walls without any need for assistance, and certainly no assistance from a withered, feeble little wretch such as the guy as I was playing.

Speaking of which, who exactly was it that was I playing? This was yet another military shooter that throws you around from one faceless, characterless soldier to another. This one’s called Rabbit, this one’s called Douche, this one’s called I don’t fucking know nor rightly care. I knew what my teammates names were though, mainly because they wouldn’t stop running into my line of fire, so much so that I ended up failing several missions for persistent friendly fire.

There were other oddities and annoyances that showed that the game was rushed and lazy. Vehicles exploded without fire. One enemy jeep just jumped up into the air and the doors fell off in an approximation of an explosion. Occasionally grenades that I’d thrown didn’t go off. Sprinting felt like you were running through treacle, probably because my character’s legs were submerged in the earth below, like everyone else’s. You could ask your teammates for ammo, and when near enough to them a prompt would appear on screen. The problem was that this prompt came up whether you needed ammo or not, so every time I went near an ally I’d be like “Oh what’s this message, oh not again, no I don’t want ammo!!!” Why did it have to pop up every time, why couldn’t it do so only when I was low on ammo? Stupid game.

I hadn’t planned to talk about each and every game’s credits after discussing the lengthy credits of SOCOM 4, and I certainly hadn’t intended to look for amusing names in these credits, but CG Coordinator ‘Barry Poon’ certainly deserves a mention. Thankfully the credits ran for only 11 minutes, which was greatly appreciated because they featured one of the worst songs I’ve ever heard. I looked it up and it was by Linkin Park. Ugh. Here’s a link for you. It’s really, really bad. You have been warned. 

I think I’ve had my fill of military shooters for a while now. And so I’m going to go from one glitchy, bug filled game to another. For the last couple of weeks I’ve been slowly getting back into Skyrim. I know there’s a lot left for me to do, even with ignoring all side quests, and I still find myself getting distracted, wandering off exploring and collecting, so I’ll have to try to be more disciplined with it, otherwise I'll never finish this pile.

17 down, 33 to go.