C'mon fatty.

When I completed Metal Gear Solid I received the dismal rating of ‘Hyena’ for my efforts. As I clocked Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty this week I sat through the credits eagerly awaiting my rating, certain that I’d done better than I had at the first game. I looked forward to receiving an animal rating that was cooler than Hyena, a rating equivalent to a smooth and sinister creature that embodied stealth, cunning, and slick manoeuvers.

The stats for the number of times I’d saved, used a continue, murdered people, and alerted the guards through clumsiness flashed up.

They were alarmingly high. I took a screenshot and then pressed X to take me to my rating. The word ‘Elephant’ appeared on the screen, coupled with this fat little elephant wiggling his trunk.

Oh dear.

I looked up the rankings online. They’re based on the aforementioned saves/continues/murders criteria. However, if certain conditions are met then the player will receive a “Special Ranking”. It turns out that these special rankings are not always complimentary, and because I’d used so many health rations I was given the rank of Elephant. It's fair to say was not too impressed with myself.

I was, however, pleased to note that my other statistics would have earned the equivalent of the ranking of Mongoose, were it not for my rampant ration consumption. And Mongoose is one better than Hyena, so technically there was improvement to the sneaky murdering aspect of my game.

I now can’t wait to tackle Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater. I never finished it when it first came out probably because I was distracted by another game coming out and I never went back to it (that old chestnut). I’m really looking forward to the fact that Snake Eater is set in the jungle, rather than simply being in another military installation. Having refamiliarised myself with the first two games, I think I can get a decent rating this time, and not through manipulation either; I don’t reload my save files to fudge the stats if my cover gets blown, or if I die. Hopefully I’ll be able to be super sneaky; camouflage myself accordingly, use terrain to my advantage, crawl silently through long grass, and finally get a ranking I can be proud of. But seeing as I play like a fat little elephant, I probably won’t.